This is totally random but i sometimes get the urge just to write. So sorry if its a tad depressing but HEY its a good release:P and don't worry. Its not a reflection on how im feeling. Then there would be cause to worry:') If you don't like reading this kind of thing then by all means don't, however i was thinking of writing a book, just as a hobby really. Thought this would make a good opening paragraph. Here it is...
Why Me? By Yours Truly :)
She was just sat there. Sat on the cold hard floor. Staring at the small hole in the plaster, located in the corner of her room. She didn’t care what she was thinking about. She didn’t care about anything, and every time she tried she went numb. Numb with pain? Numb with fear? She didn’t know. Just numb, like her whole body had gone on standby. She couldn’t feel anything. Her heart and mind had completely shut down, yet at the same time they were screaming at her, dieing, desperate to release some kind of emotion, any kind. But she couldn’t, she wouldn’t let them break her.
She turned her head and glanced out of the small, insignificant, window next to her. It was the old wooden type, there were specs of paint where someone had once tried to keep up its appearance, and the glass was misty and cracked from the gloomy fog outside. The one small chunk of light that had managed to escape, sliced through the darkness off the room, like a newly sharpened knife.
Why? This was the question she kept asking herself. Why? However, no matter how many times she quizzed herself, her heart failed to return an answer. But still she kept asking, why had this heartbreakingly painful tragedy happened to her?
Every morning when she woke up a vicious ocean of grief washed over her,(that is if she had managed to fall asleep) For it was hard at the moment, what with the thousands of daggers stabbing her heart over and over again, she couldn’t concentrate on anything, let alone sleep.
“You’ll move on” “Its okay” this is what they said. The people that “cared” about her, but they didn’t understand. She couldn’t blame them though,…I mean…how could they?
It had affected her the most. No one else, just her. Nobody shared her pain. No one else woke up every morning wanting the ground to swallow them up. No one missed him like she did. She was the only one he had cared about, and him to her. But it was over. All the good times and bad times. The sad times and the happy times. The fun times, the stupid and the silly times. The times they stuck by each other, no matter what anyone else said.
They were all gone. Everything.
All she had left now was memories., and that particular day was fresh in her mind as if they were happening at that moment.
She could still smell the sweet scent of his hair. See his broad muscular body in front of her. She could still remember the freckle situated above his right eyebrow. Every contour of his face and how soft his lips felt against hers. She could still remember how she felt when he held her, safe, protected and blindingly in love. She thought it would last forever.
As she sat on the cold wooden planks a tear started to roll down her left cheek. She was finally letting her emotions show. For this was the moment. Right then. This was the moment she realised he was gone, and was never coming back. It hit her like a comet plummeting towards earth at thousands of miles per hour.
It had happened. The thing she said would never come. It had broken her.